The TRUTH was spoken about Movements

(I’m not even sure I can adequately capture what I just experienced. I am so moved. You know those moments full of food for your head and soul – full of em)

20160125_105527Today I came out of my sabbatical world and ventured onto campus. My nephew was being honored at the SSU MLK, Jr. Convocation (“A Movement, Not A Moment”).  We are all so proud of Anye, especially after the ordeal he endured at Lowell H.S. on his path to becoming student body president (you can see ongoing coverage along with my Op-Ed in the Lowell Sun about the situation). He has graciously, humbly, and proudly risen above the hatred and carried himself with dignity and intelligence.  Today he was honored for writing an outstanding essay about Martin Luther king, Jr.

Some other really amazing things occurred.  A young man (whose name escapes me) sang an amazing rendition of Marvin Gaye’s (or is it Sam Cooke’s song?) “A Change is Going to Come” and the first verse of “Life Every Voice and Sing.” His voice made the words of those two songs touch the core of my soul! Before I could gather myself, Charlene Carruthers took the stage. OMG! Do you know her? Look her up! Currently she is the National Director of the Black Youth Project 100 (BYP100).  My 5 y.o. son, who was getting restless was immediately captivated by her and insisted to video-tape her.  He wasn’t sure what she was saying, but he was captivated anyway! And he was right. She spoke TRUTH about the lack of inclusion in previous social movements, in particular the Civil Rights Movement of the 60s. She spoke passionately and eloquently about the exclusion of women, and young people, and individuals from the LGBT community. She encouraged the university to not engage in tokenism (my paraphrasing of her deeper more thoughtful speech). She encouraged us to not just add a black man and stir and say we are diverse; to not just add a queer woman stir and say we are diverse, etc. She encouraged tough conversations, real work (policy and action) and she encourage discomfort (a common occurrence in my diversity class)! She had 3 main points which I have to email her to get because I got so caught up, I didn’t take notes! Most importantly she encouraged the students to find their voice(s), be heard, be persistent, and keep pressing for change. And then…

The students took the podium and stated their demands. 20160125_124206They said “You didn’t hear us.” OMG that feeling of not being heard. OUCH. I felt it! It brought tears to my eyes – the songs, Carruthers’ speech and then the students. As a faculty member of color (1 of only a handful at a university with 300+ faculty) I heard them. As a woman of color who attended a campus where people who looked like me made up 2% of the student today, I heard the students at SSU today. I let them know I heard them.

Kudos to Rebecca Comage and the Planning Committee for choosing such a dynamic and bold speaker and for honoring the students’ voices today! I know my nephew and his parents were moved and my 5 y.o. in his own way heard some important things and experienced something powerful. I know my syllabi are about to experience some important revisions!

My sabbatical has been lots of fun. LOTS of self-care, time with family and friends;  some research and some writing. Today I got renewed! I got inspired! I got motivated to continue the work of being part of a movement, no matter who is uncomfortable and to not just participle in a moment! So much more I think I could write….

What moves or inspires you to be part of a movement?

Whimsical Wednesday: Is there a secret Code for academics that I missed?!

Preface:  I am working on becoming more intentional with my posts. Tuesdays or Thursdays I will work towards writing and sharing thoughtful ideas and reflections related to teaching, social justice, and parenting.  Wednesdays or Fridays I will work towards writing and sharing my wacky stream-of-consciousness perspective on parenting, teaching, social justice.  The intentionality I am hoping will help me get focused on a writing schedule as I move closer to some important publishing deadlines!

booksI have been on sabbatical since September. I took a year (at half pay) on purpose.  I wanted to have some time to rest, engage in self-care, spend more time with family and friends, get some research and publishing done (which for me is nearly impossible during the regular academic year), and try something new.  I have managed to do a little bit of all of these things, sometimes in unexpected ways. Throughout all of my adventures I have been observing my family, friends, acquaintances, and colleagues watching me.  Me watching them watching me could really be an interesting research project (for a Social Psychologist maybe)!

One idea that stands out from those two-way observations is that there is a (maybe more than one) unspoken or unwritten (that I know if) code of conduct for academics when not on campus teaching, researching, writing, etc. Not the type of Code of Conduct that a religious school might ask you to sign promising you will behave morally at all times and if you are caught off-campus being immoral you could lose your job. No, a more subtle Code. That Code of expectations that you will:

  1. Listen to NPR, read a variety of newspapers, don’t watch mindless t.v., or no t.v. at all, unless it is PBS.News1
    1. If you do watch mindless t.v. write extensively about how you will use the show in class and describe in detail how the show will be deconstructed and analyzed.
  2. Not talk about your personal life, especially not your spouse or children
    1. Definitely do not be absent for your sick child, spouse, in-law…
    2. AND, if you’re sick some in and teach your class anyway
  3. Reject gender stereotypes (gender-neutrality = good; 1950s gender roles = bad)
    1. SO back to #2, don’t complain that you have chosen to have a child, cook and clean, etc.
  4. Be liberal (see #1-3) AND be as post-modern and pro-feminst as possible, rejecting labels, identities, etc.
  5. Not discuss religion, especially not my religion, unless I’m bashing the oppressiveness of religious institutions and their doctrines
  6. Be frugal (and look as if you are frugal)
    1. Shopping malls are bad…
    2. Do not talk about any privilege you have
  7. Reject capitalism and consumption (see #5)
  8. Eat organic – Shop at Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods
  9. Embrace the outdoors (that way you won’t be tempted to watch t.v.)
  10. Always use the English language properly – no slang or abbreviations, or acronyms…not even on social media!
    1. I kinda agree with this one AND I violate this often and freely joke about my personal editor (who is currently on vacation)!

If you are in academia you know what I am talking about. Some of this is poking fun of the community to which I belong and some of it is awareness. Do you stigmatize or distance yourself from or roll your eyes at colleagues who in some way violate the Code of Conduct for Academics?! I became an academic as a third career. I had been a clinical social worker and was doing student affairs work in a School of Social Work. I was asked to teach a course and I was bitten by the teaching bug. I was told that in order to teach full time I needed to earn a Ph.D. So I embarked on that journey and in 2007 landed my full time tenure-track teaching job. A few years later I finished that dissertation and a few years after that received tenure.  In between all of that I lived a full life.

HairAs a woman of color (who wears make-up & heels, cooks, cleans, mothers, as high regard for her husband, and attends church…) with a family here and abroad who prioritizes that family and self-care, I am most concerned with how the unspoken code does not allow for socio-cultural nuances, autonomy, and individuality within the academy. As liberal as the academy tends to be (there are many articles stating the contrary…that’s someone else’s blog…), the supposed liberal horn-blowing/sign-carrying/feminist/post-modern academics also create a specific set of criteria for fitting in that is not inclusive.  I am old enough to not really care if colleagues think I am not a proper academic because I do not follow the Code. I know my worth and my priorities!☺😛

I am concerned for my newer and younger colleagues who feel they must be in their offices even during semester breaks.  I am concerned for my colleagues who feel they cannot seek support within their departments when their child/spouse/parent is sick. I am concerned for my colleagues who feel they cannot pursue non-academic interests without shame or fear of being stigmatized. I am concerned that the very people who criticized the old academic guard for the homogeneous environment that they had created, is creating a new type of homogeneity. Academics should be encouraged to be diverse not just in their social identities but also in their interests and ways of expression.  Our students are not homogeneous and we encourage them to get out of their comfort zones and think outside the proverbial box and so should we. #JustSayin

 

Thoughtful Tuesday

familyOur son was not yet 2 years old when Trayvon Martin was shot in Sanford, Florida. That night we held him tightly and I prayed that I would find the words as he grew up to talk to him about vulnerability, oppression, being a person of color, racism. My parents who were born in the south but grew up in the North and the West did a poor job of preparing me for the harsh realities of the isms. I was sheltered and protected. I believe my parents thought that because we moved out of Inglewood into Pasadena, enrolled me in private schools, exposed me to those upper-class activities that they did not participate in, I would be spared or safe from racism, sexism, etc. Otis Graham, author of Our Kind of People wrote a column about how privileged status does not protect our children from being called a N—- https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/11/06/i-taught-my-black-kids-that-their-elite-upbringing-would-protect-them-from-discrimination-i-was-wrong/

Since February 2012, so may incidents of racial injustice and violence have occurred that I have honestly lost track. All I know is that I am trying to remain calm, not panic, and talk to our son in ways that make sense. My husband and I have different approaches, which is o.k. I think. There are different ways to expose our children, talk to them, and prepare them as best we can for their futures. Our differing approaches collided when our nephew was elected president of his high school student body and social media erupted in racial slurs and threats of death. For the first time since our son had been born I was called to action. I participated in a rally, but our son did not go. Our nephew was on the front page of the paper and on the nightly local news almost daily. Our son is learning to read and pictures speak volumes. I felt we could not hide or sugar-coat the truth. We have responded simply or used religion or sports analogies to help.

The simplest response possible: “He won and some people were not happy, they are sore losers, and they said mean things.” And our son would say “Are they going to get in trouble? Did they apologize?” The truth was that no, those kids did not truly get into trouble and we were not sure they had apologized. So another type of conversation was had. We turned to religion: “Sometimes people do or say mean things and they do not apologize. God knows our hearts and will always protect us.” God is still a vague being/concept to our son, but he kind of got it.  IN other situations, we have turned to sports (his favorite activity): “You know how in a game there is a referee that monitors the players and when a player creates a super bad foul the player gets kicked out of the game and then later he has to pay a fee?” “Yes.” “In life there are referees who patrol our world and kick people out and make them pay fees.”

But then the news images of police, protestors, shot boys that look like him become too much to ignore. Even if we were not watching the news in his presence, he sees the front page of the newspaper as we bring it into the house, the news has a preview on t.v. as we are turning to his kid’s channel, our gatherings are a mix of adults and children and he over-hears our conversations. We cannot and will not live in a bubble under the guise of shielding him. So the real challenge is how to navigate this harsh reality without burdening his 5 year old mind, soul, and heart.

He is obsessed with playing “jail.” He also loves soccer, football, play dough, and coloring. But inevitably whatever he is building with Legos turns into a jail. His soccer players end up in jail because they cause d a foul or his play dough creation is a jail. Even his beloved TMNT are in jail! My social worker antenna is buzzing!!!! So I ask “Why is everyone always in jail?” “Because they’re bad.” “What did they do?” “They were fighting.” “Oh” I say weakly, wondering if I should continue the questioning, which I do not but instead say “I think you’ve played jail long enough, let’s read….”

Our son is very intuitive, he is smart and savvy. He listens to everything people say. He is not naïve. At the same time, we do not want to give him more information than he needs at this age. We also do not want him to be shocked (which he will be) when a classmate or a classmate’s parent says something racially cruel or he doesn’t get invited to the party because the parent doesn’t like black people, etc., etc. I also do not want to be a helicopter parent, but I can easily see how trying to protect your child from injustice based on his race or biological sex or religion or ability…could lead a parent to helicopter…patrolling the books in the library, the holidays celebrated at school, etc.

I am too often overwhelmed by that state of our country and our world. I feel paralyzed and fearful. Then I remember that I need to model what our son should be (my husband does too) and I just make sure our son hears and sees me engaged in social justice. I also remember that I have gotten through it with minimal protection and I have grown stronger, more passionate, braver.

I also just hope and pray that there are parents of every race, ethnicity, nationality, religion, and orientation out there who are just as concerned as I am and are having age-appropriate conversations with their children about the same issues and about how to be an ally. I just hope and pray that there is better police academy screening and training. I just hope that the post-modernists, whom I do not always understand or agree with, are right and we reach a post-label-identity society…where we are all equal and treated as such.

Do you talk to your child about difference? Vulnerablitiy? Racism? Sexism? Current events? How do you do it?

Some of my favorite articles on related topics:

  1. To The White Parent of My Black Son’s Friends – http://www.amusingmaralee.com/2015/12/to-the-white-parents-of-my-black-sons-friends/#sthash.mZuLFa7R.dpuf
  2. Respect what black America is feeling – http://www.salon.com/2015/04/29/dear_white_facebook_friends_i_need_you_to_respect_what_black_america_is_feeling_right_now/
  3. Five recovery steps from a form helicopter parent http://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2016/01/05/overparenting-5-recovery-steps-from-a-former-stanford-dean/
  4. What it’s like to be the only black kid in class http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/this-is-what-its-like-to-be-the-only-black-kid-in-class_568a847be4b014efe0dae77d

 

#GivingTuesday

familyThe title of this blog I realize is a cliche.  People always have catchy titles and phrases for the different days of the week to draw attention to their posts.  This title is sincere.

Our son is 5. He is an only child. He is smart, creative, resourceful, independent, strong-willed, giving & selfish at the same time, and athletic.  His birthday was in November with Christmas just weeks after.  He is accustomed to receiving a lot of gifts (not from us) from aunts, uncles, cousins, etc who adore him primarily because everyone else’s children are grown, gone, and don’t care! I do not like to use the term “spoiled” to describe children, but our son is somewhere in that category of privileged.

Being a social worker and educator and haven been raised the way I was (all social justice-y and action-oriented), I have tried to explain to him the plight of vulnerable people with less than enough resources.  This usually happens when we are sitting at a particular red light where there is usually a man with a sign asking for money. My son always asks about that man (or whomever is standing out there). I usually over-explain. My husband rolls his eyes. My sons sighs. I am disappointed.  He has gone with us to serve food to the hungry, donate toys to the needy, is very aware of racial injustice, asks what the news anchor is talking about, etc., etc., etc.

“Maybe he is too young to get it” I often think, always searching for an appropriate book (that I should probably write) or opportunity to show/explain appropriate & effective giving. Then today in the mail this arrived

20160105_142827.jpg

YAY! What a way for us to start 2016 explaining to our son about those who need something he has – the ability to run and play sports without hindrance – he gets that!.  He LOVES sports and anything vaguely athletic.  He was 3 years old reciting the names of countries, recognizing their flags because of the Men’s World Cup Soccer tournament in 2014!  I have a chance to help our son truly understand giving. I think he’ll get it.

How do you explain need, poverty, vulnerability, disability, etc to your children? How do you get your children to participate in giving?