Re-Blog: Black Sororities and Violence Against Women Awareness (Day 12 of Honoring my Mom)

Many people and organizations are weighing in on the issue of domestic violence. New voices have surfaced since the elevator video tape of Ray Rice was shown on the media outlets.  It’s not a new issue, just new fervor given who got caught on tape and the organization for which he works. I had not heard any news from the HBCUS or historically black sororities.  My former professor shared this blog on her FB page and I’m compelled to share this blog by one of her current students Felecia Commodore. If you belong to a historically black sorority, leave a comment with your thoughts on Felecika’s original blog post.

by Felecia Commodore

Why I share this as a way to honor my mom:  While she was a woman who often broke with the conventions of her generation, she was also private and stoic (not a virtue I admire) – My mom never spoke of that event so many decades ago. I was frightened and she kept me safe. She and my grandma were fierce and what I did not understand then I understand now. She did make it clear to me that I should never be a victim. I understood. DV is not my major platform but I am definitely a voice against domestic violence and in my role as a social worker, wife, and mom I do what I can to pass on information and educate others. Despite her own silence, I think my mom would encourage others to speak up.



(you know things are rough when you can come up with 2 “poems” in 24 hours):


In between a 2 year and a 73 year old

A husband

A job




The lonely only

Attempting to care-take

Miles away from one

Too close to the other


Focus is blurry

Concentration gone

Priorities scattered

Rationality and sanity illusive


Love for both & all

Want to heal the sick

Comfort the sadness

Make it all go away







Memory Worries #3

This memory stuff is feeling so fresh and REAL for me now that we spent an entire week with my mom. While she had full awareness of many things (her grandson being 1), she often forgot I had traveled with my husband whom she LOVES. She kept thinking I was single.  While she never forgot my name she thought I was sometimes someone else because she asked about my other children (we only have 1).  I’m reminded how quickly dementia can progress but also how long it takes for an individual to completely lose all senses and abilities.  My mommy is somewhere in the middle….I think….So today I realized that I do something that my mom and I thought was part of dementia when we first realized that my grand-mother had dementia.

We lived in California and my grandmother was in New York and a good friend and neighbor called us to say we should come check on grandma. She had been giving stuff away, leaving her front door open, and had gone outside a few times in her robe.  My grandmother was a proud woman who would never be caught dead outside without earrings, lipstick, a necklace, and of course, proper clothing.  She also kept accurate account of her money down to every single penny, her bills would never be late. We knew something was wrong.

We arrived to find several “over due” notices on her kitchen table. We rushed around the city trying to figure out how to pay the bills, check on her bank accounts and make arrangements for her to move to California. The doctor asked “How long has this been going on?” My mom replied “I don’t know, but she keeps her pots and pans in the oven and her dishes in the refrigerator!”

Our kitchen is small and short on decent cabinet space. So, I keep my pots and pans in the oven…there is no room for them in the cabinets. Hopefully no one will call elder services on me!

ImageMy lesson for the week is to not read too much into my forgetfulness and to be patient with those around me who are forgetful, misplace items, or store things in what may be considered odd places.  I also keep books under the bed…I’m short on office space also!