Disability: 3-5 minute child chat about an issue of social justice

(Please see my previous blogposts from December 17, 2017, and January 2, 2018 about chatting with your child or children about issues related to social justice).

Monday, April 2^nd 2018, is World Autism Awareness Day. It just so happens that we have a few parents in our lives that have children living on the autism spectrum.  Therefore, in honor of my nephew, my friends’ children, and all parents and children living with Autism, here is a 3-5 minute lesson on talking to your child about disabilities. For Victorine, Hayley, and Elspeth (who keeps me honest and in check).

Children can sometimes be cruel to one another. No matter how diverse our world is, children still are socialized to believe that there is only one way to be. Despite the medical and psychological research, out there some parents and children still hold a certain norm in their minds about an individual’s emotional, cognitive, and physical development. It is sad. It is inappropriate. Those beliefs about such norms are counterproductive to us living in a culturally competent diverse society. Not only that but such beliefs do not allow our children to experience people who are different than them.

I noticed that there is not much written for people who have friends or relatives with disabilities. There is a growing set of research and resource banks for parents with children who have disabilities, but not much for those of us who want to be supportive, inclusive, competent, and allies.

I am still learning. I ask a lot of questions. I make mistakes. I look up a lot of stuff. I ask my friends for assistance. You should too! The conversation about children who do not have the same physical, emotional, or cognitive abilities as my child has come up when we plan playdates, birthday parties, or are getting ready to go to any outing where other children may be present. As we are getting dressed, my part of the conversation goes something like this:

“Are you excited about the party/play date/museum/field trip today?”

“I know I loved parties/play dates/museums/field trips when I was your age.”

“I want you to please remember to be kind to all the other children present. You know how you like it when people are kind to you?”

“Can you also remember that there may be kids there who cannot run or do not run as fast as you do or who don’t like crowds or loud noises…can you think of something to make them more comfortable/feel included?”

Our son is o.k. about coming up with things like “help them on the ladder to the slide,” or “sit with them for a while if they want to sit.” However, he also needs some prompting. I add some suggestions to help him think about children who may be in a wheelchair or who may not be able to play the running or climbing games. We talk about not forcing kids to engage if they do not want to: “Ask your friend if they are o.k….tell them it is o.k. to sit down for a while if they want to…ask them if they want to do something else.”

Teaching a 7 y.o. to be observant of their friend’s feelings and movements is a challenge, but the more I do it the more I find he is slowly paying attention. He is still uncomfortable sometimes around children with disabilities, but much more comfortable than he was a year or two ago. Exposure. Conversation. Normalization.

We also talk about people who look different (maybe a child with Down syndrome or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome). Recently, we began talking about disabilities you cannot see (ADD for examkple). I ask him what questions he has. I encourage him to ask me more questions as they come up. I have been known to go with my child to ask a parent of another child a question or two. After all, I do not know everything!

1. As always, use age-level appropriate resources and language.
2. Normalize the fact that ALL children (and adults) matter.
3. Teach & Encourgae your child to be observant and respond appropriately.
4. Encourage your child not to stare.
5. Encourage them to ask questions.
6. Begin to teach them person-first language (“My friend Nathan who is on the sutism spectrum/who lives with autism” vs “That autisitc kid”)
   1. Another example of person first language
7. If your child is uncomfortable around children with a disability, do not force your child to play with them. Talk time later to help your child hear you say how important it is to be inclusive.

What ideas and helpful tips do you have?

HELPFUL LINKS AND BOOKS

1. Two great blogs I found:
   1. http://kellehampton.com/2016/09/school-talk-introducing-disabilities-to-classrooms-and-friends.html
   2. http://www.kristenannjames.com/2013/11/18/talking-to-kids-about-disability-and-he-who-must-not-be-named/
2. Autism Speaks https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/world-autism-awareness-day
3. HollyRod Foundation http://www.hollyrod.org/

Books

1. My brother Charlie by Holly Robinson Peete
2. I see things differently: A first look at autism by Pat Thomas
3. A friend like Simon by Kate Gaynot
4. Since we’re friends: An autism picture book by Celeste Shally
5. Don’t call me special: A first look at disability by Pat Thomas and Lesley Harker
6. A rainbow of friends by P.K. Hallinan

 

 

Poverty: 3-5 Minute Child Chats about Social Justice

Parents and guardians should be brave and create space for conversations with their children about the important topics of our society. We can no longer live in silos nor can we live in silence.

Last month I wrote that I would be sharing ways in which I have conversations with our 7-year-old son about topics related to social justice (and equity, acceptance, helping others, advocacy, etc.). My 1st disclaimer is that we live in a multicultural city in a neighborhood that is multiethnic and multi-income. We have many opportunities for us to engage with our community and have experiences that lend themselves well to discussing social justice. We also travel by car to other states and ask him to observe and ask questions. I am, after all, a social worker with a sociological imagination! My 2nd disclaimer is that we have enough resources to do what we need to do in life and a little bit more. Finally, my 3rd disclaimer is that our son is naturally curious and asks many questions, so it makes these conversations easier to initiate, but him being 7, the conversations end quickly because his attention span is short!

It is difficult for many children to understand poverty. Many parents & guardians do not discuss money with their children. So understanding that not having enough resources is connected to so many institutional and societal factors is complicated. To just say “Well…their parents do not have a job…” is such an insufficient explanation. Such a complicated issue (and the same goes for racism, sexism, disability, homophobia, etc., etc., etc.) require exposure that is consistent and wrapped in age-appropriate conversations that earnestly display your values of equity and justice.

So here are some examples of what we have done so far. What we do is very simple and we hope that as he gets older our experiences and conversations will become more complex and meaningful. I welcome your experiences and questions:

1. We start with us & him and our & his money:
   1. We tell him how much he has, how much grandpa sent him, etc. We tell him that he has to save, give, and then he can spend a small portion of it.
   2. When it comes to giving, we make suggestions and then let him choose. We do not give online because we want him to have the experience of going somewhere to make the donation in person. It is usually at church, but he has also chosen to give to someone standing on the street corner or give to a jar at the store counter.
      1. “We believe that helping others is important.” “What do you think?” “Do you like it when someone helps you? Do you have an example of a time someone helped you?” “Why is it important to you?” “How do you feel when you help someone else?”
   3. When it comes to spending, we have taught him how to read prices. We talk about not buying more than what you need. We use the word greed (Eric Carle’s Greedy Python can be used in many ways!)
2. We have served meals through a program that operates out of our church for people with not enough resources. We have done this on a weekend and on Thanksgiving (not as consistently as I would like). We tell our son what we are going to do and explain to him who comes to eat a meal
   1. “Do you know what we are going to do today?” “Do you know why we are going?” “What questions do you have?”
3. We donate books, clothing, toys, etc. to a local organization and to the school when they collect coats, toys, etc.
   1. “Let’s look at what you have…what can we share with someone who doesn’t have any of this or enough of any of this?” “Can you imagine not having coat/gloves in winter?” “How do you think the child who gets this coat will feel?”
4. We have conversations about the people we see on the streets holding signs.
   1. He has initiated these conversations. He asks why people stand on the street with signs asking for money. Our responses have varied, but the answer to his questions usually starts something like: “Sometimes people are unable to work and if you are unable to work you probably do not have enough money to pay rent or buy groceries.”  “Sometimes people cannot work because they are disabled…”
5. Finally, we admit our privilege. We cannot have an honest chat about poverty if we do not talk about our own privilege. It is often uncomfortable, but it is part of what needs to happen.

Remember: 

1. Keep it simple and short.
2. Use words, language, and experiences you know your child can understand and handle. Try to relate it back to what they may already know (being helpful, being kind, being fair). AND use a book (some suggestions below).
3. Do not overwhelm them by trying to do too much or have too many experiences in a short period.
4. Do not force it. It should happen with the natural context of what you already do. The New Year is a good time to start new habits of justice.
5. Be consistent and nurture their curiosity and their desire to engage in acts of social justice.

Children’s books related to this topic:

1. Maddi’s Fridge by Lois Brandt
2. The family under the bridge by Natalie Savage Carlson
3. Poverty and Hunger by Hanane Kai
4. On our street: Our first talk about poverty by Jillian Roberts and Jaime Casap
5. Everybody can help somebody by Ron Hall and Denver Moore

 

 

 

5 minute child chats about social justice

The other day I realized that it only takes 3-5 minutes to begin to teach our children about social justice and equity.  As a female social work educator of color raising a brown boy in the U.S. this is very important to me. But I also realized ALL parents can do this. And the way to do it is very simple. In the next few blog posts I will be sharing examples of how I have done this. Our son is very curious and is a keen observer. He asks lots of questons which provides opportunity for us to teach him about diverse populations, inequity, justice, acceptance, and social action. 

Stay tuned for specific lessons. But for now, here are a few tips to get you started:

1. listen to your child and answer their questions. Invite them to ask questions. Peak their curiosity. 

2. Don’t ignore them or brush them off. 

3. Don’t hush them. 

4. Don’t shy away from uncomfortable topics. 

5. Don’t be afraid to look up what you don’t know or refer to a friend. 

6. Keep it simple. Use a children’s book or story to help you.